to tell, or not to tell? that is the question.
January 9, 2011, 12:59 pm
Filed under: pregnancy

Some people are freaking weird about telling their friends and family when they are pregnant. Okay, that sounded harsh. I understand maybe 75% why people wait an extended period of time to tell friends and family when they are pregnant. Maybe there’s a cultural protocol that is above my plane of understanding. Maybe there is some superstition brought on by past trauma’s or miscarriages. Maybe they are waiting until they can tell people face to face or over a holiday situation so it is a huge “OMG” moment. That’s fine.

I, however, peed on a stick at 5:30 am, was on the phone with my mother by 8 am telling her and by about noon, most people at my place of employment knew. Why? Well, I’m a huge blabber mouth and gossip queen and what better gossip than, “Dude, I’m knocked up. Pass it on.” I take a sense of pride in starting my own gossip, honestly. It’s like buying stock early before it jumps up in price. And then by the time it gets back to you , you can fully assess who in your circle of friends is trust worthy and who is spreading shit behind your back. Did that last part make me sound bitter? My bad.

Anyway, yes, I told pretty much everyone when I got to work that day. Mostly because I was freaking out. Lots of people tsk tsk’d me for opening my big fertile mouth so early but here is how I saw it:

I am with you people for at least 8 hours out of the day. I am in and out of your classrooms. If I am not feeling so hot that day, or–God forbid–something happens…I want you all in know. To me, it wasn’t a fear of ‘if I lose the baby I will have to tell all these people’. It was more like, ‘if I lose the baby, look at all these people who will help me through it’. I really cut out the middle man by not having to explain, ‘okay, so, I was pregnant but then I miscarried so now could you help me through this hard time…that is, after you wrap your head around the fact that I *was* pregnant?’ See what I did there?  Of course, this all goes back to my previous theory that all women do once they are pregnant is expect the worst because of media’s overabundance of failed pregnancy messages. But, I digress (a lot…might as well get used to that now).

Another bonus to telling my friends and family early was that, honestly, I had a lot of questions even that early on in the pregnancy. If I sneezed more than usual I was able someone who had already been through it if it was normal, etc. It gave me a sense of comfort–like I was living in The Red Tent (arbitrary literary references–I do that a lot, too).

Plus, people treat you really nicely when you are pregnant. Like, really nicely. You get to cut people in line at the super market, everyone tells you how beautiful you look (even though you probably don’t), they buy you presents, they offer to bring you food ALL THE TIME (no, seriously. all. the. time.). Why wouldn’t you want to cash in on that AS SOON AS POSSIBLE? Because, trust me, they give you about a week after you push that Tiny Human out and then that’s it. The supply line is cut off so fast, you’ll think you’re fighting the front lines at Bastogne during World War II (random historical references–that’s right–I do that a lot, too).

So, here’s the thing with ‘coming out of the closet’ with your Tiny Human:

If you want an intimate opening experience with this little tadpole then fine, keep your secret. But there is something to be said for the whole ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ mantra. Get that village on high alert early. Enjoy the attention and love. You are about to enter the most trying time of your life and you are going to need them, I promise this.


4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I love your blog! I was the same way when I first found out and got so many comments about telling people too early, but we just decided that we weren’t going to hold in or try to ignore our excitement “just in case” something went wrong.

Comment by Nicole

“It was more like, ‘if I lose the baby, look at all these people who will help me through it’.”
That was exactly why we told people also. And because both Jarrod and I are horrid at keeping secrets/surprises that pertain to us.

I’m just excited I’ve got an excuse not to use the chemicals, lift heavy things or clean the bathroom at work for almost a solid year. That’s a lovely benefit.

Comment by Breenah

This is probably how I’ll be when we finally get pregnant. I’l probably tell everyone within about 15 minutes!

Comment by Ruth

This makes a lot of sense to me. I think I would be open about it too, for exactly the same reasons. I understand why some people would want to wait, but it doesn’t seem so clear-cut to me that I can understand why they would “tsk tsk” someone for being open. I suppose it’s the very early start of what seems to me to be an incredibly judgemental parenting community– I so don’t envy you mommies for having to deal with that.

Comment by Wendy

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