What do I want to be when I grow up?
October 8, 2014, 2:53 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

My Tiny Human is entering the phase in her life when people are asking her what she wants to be when she grows up.
Proudly displayed in her Pre-K classroom is her answer: A Big Girl.
I mean, it’s a safe guarantee.

I remember when I was younger I wanted to be a zoologist; an animator; a trainer at Sea World.

Later, when the answer was heavier and mattered I said I wanted to be a high school English teacher. I even went to college for it. I was dedicated.

But now, here I am. 4 days shy of turning 30, and I am not what I want to be when I grow up.
Sometimes I fantasize about what I would do with my life if nothing mattered–money, relationships, responsibilities, etc.
If none of it was a factor.
I would travel. I would travel alone.
I love airports. I love watching planes take off, listening to my music and drinking over-priced coffee. I love being on planes and that tiny moment you get sometimes when you aren’t sure if you are going to make it to your destination.
I learn more about myself when traveling alone than any other time in my life.
I would take classes. I would devour every English lit class ever offered in the world. I would travel to England and study British Literature and, hell, even British History there.
I would take classes on astronomy; on space. Space terrifies me. I have a hard time grasping the concept of infinite and in that terror I have become infatuated with learning more about it.
I would take classes on Religion. Different religions around the world and throughout history. I would travel to different parts of the world where these religions are practiced. I would bear witness.
I would dye my hair fun colors. Okay, I’ve already started doing this but I think it’s important. I think that our body is our only real statement in the world. People who glide through life with no tattoos, no piercings, no customization…those people are missing out. I am not a rebel; I am not ruining my body. I am becoming more and more myself as time marches on. Don’t be afraid to be yourself, Tiny Human.
I would apply for a job as a writer for a Video Game magazine or website.
Clearly I love writing but I think that women are vastly misrepresented in this genre in particular. I have seen far too many E3’s where they park a pretty girl in front of the camera and feed her lines. I know we have Felicia Day and thank God for her, but it’s not enough. We need more Felicia’s. I VOLUNTEER.
I would buy a farm. I would fill the farm with goats and sheep and ducks. I would buy a horse. I would grow tomatoes and corn and fruits and learn to can and make preserves.
I would live near the sea. I must live by the sea. Any sea will do.

This list is long and ridiculous; but the meaning behind it is not lost on me. The time has come to make myself the adult I want to be.
Tiny Human, it is a hard transition. You have to not be afraid to be who you are supposed to be. I have been afraid for a long time. I have given in to responsibility and reason. I have let my demons hold me back.
I have let OTHER PEOPLE hold me back.
That’s the worse one, Tiny Human.
Other People.
Shake them off like a coat that doesn’t fit.
Find the path, no matter how irrational it may seem.
If your mind can come up with it, it is within your grasp.

At least, I hope so.
Here’s to being 30.