Mary didn’t know. None of us ever do.
December 23, 2014, 7:05 pm
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Mary did you know? That your baby boy would one day walk on water?

Save our sons and daughters?

Has come to make you new?


Here is how I always imagine Mary:

a mother.

a mother like you, like me, like any and every mother that has and ever will live.

We never know what is going to happen when we discover that we are going to be a mother; whether that news comes from a pee test, a phone call from an adoption agency, or literally an angel from heaven.

That’s all semantics.

The delivery does not change the news, and the news is the same regardless of divine intervention. When a mother discovers that she is going to be a mother, she imagines every possible scenario for that child.

Walking on water, majoring in Politcal Science, saving salvation, becoming a teacher.

What is even the difference?

We want this baby, this child, to become what they are supposed to become. All we want is for them to be fulfilled to their potential.

But then there is the fear–

the fear while pregnant, the fear while delivering, the fear of having that baby out in the world, unprotected.

What if the child doesn’t do well? What if the child is hateful or spiteful or unkind? What if the prophecies we all set for our babies fall short?

We never know. We can never know. Mary didn’t.

But we can all have her faith; we can have faith in our children that in those moments of struggle and strife we will realize that they aren’t done yet. We must have patience in their prophecy.

We are all Mary’s; Mary is all mothers who have any wish for their child but above all want them to be happy and healthy and whole.


are all


Because, in my opinion, when you kiss any little baby–divine or mortal–you are still kissing the face of God.

I wish you all a peaceful Christmas full of joy and love. See you next year.


Last minute holiday gift guide for that person who is a mother and is also maybe depressed and/or bipolar:
December 16, 2014, 3:57 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Hi there.

I am seeing bloggers doing gift guides and I WANT TO PLAY.

Do you know someone who is a mother and also suffering from a debilitating mental or mood disorder? You’ve come to the right place.

This may also be just MY ACTUAL CHRISTMAS LIST.

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-First, this woman is probably on medications that give her insomnia. Bad insomnia. Like, insomnia that even insomnia medication can’t really touch. So she’s probably highly caffeinated all of the damn time. COFFEE. CUTE COFFEE TUMBLER. It’s got a Russian nesting doll on it, which makes it precious. Maybe throw a gift card in there to finish off the thought. The world will thank you.


-Second, this woman probably needs to hear from other people that she is not so alone in her struggles. This book is amazing and I can’t recommend Momastery in general enough to any woman who is going through any sort of hard time inside of her body or outside of her body. We are all warriors. We all need to read this book. Not that moms have time to read.



-Third, well. I take a lot of baths. Like, every night. Moms need quiet time. Disturbed people need even more quiet time. Lush makes it more than just quiet time. These bath bombs all smell amazing and do amazing things to your stupid, plain bath water. Get her, like, 15 of them.


-Fourth, YOGA PANTS. All of these damn medications make us either bloated or actually fat. That’s just the truth. YOGA PANTS. GOOD ONES. Maybe more than one pair, since they will probably get Tiny Human bodily fluids on them at some point during the day. It’s important to be prepared.


-Lastly, this amazing tote bag to keep all of this crap in. Mostly because it says to keep calm but also because we, as mothers, can and will never ever get this song out of our heads.

So, for 2015 let’s just LET IT GO, GUYS.


Happy Holidays. There’s always egg nog.

On why being flawless is not the same as being beautiful
December 14, 2014, 2:30 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized


Susan Sarandon posted her original headshot this week on her Facebook page and my breath caught in my throat when I saw it.

Today, we are going to talk about strange beauty and how by simply being a human, we are beautiful.

Let me tell you, first, about my strange beauty; about what I was tormented for as a child but now prize as an adult.

My eyes are brown and unremarkable. But they are large, almond shaped, and spaced ever-so-slightly  too far apart. You know those 90’s drawings of aliens? That’s what I looked like during my awkward teenage years.

I have a strong, German nose. It’s big. It’s long. I can constantly see it out of the corner of my eye, even though logic tells me I shouldn’t really be seeing it. You could alpine ski down the bridge of my nose. I will never get a cut little stud pierced into it because wow that’s all I would see all day, guys.

My skin is pale. Very pale. I do not bronze in the summer sun. I freckle and burn and then my skin peels off and I am as pale as a mole again. The only way I can hold a tan is by baking myself in a tanning bed and I decided years ago that I am not a piece of toast.

I could keep going–my hair is thin, my teeth are crooked, I am very, very short. My neck is so long that scarves are actually a necessity for me once it drops belong 55 degrees.

These are all the things that I used to confuse with being flaws; you can see how a 13 year old girl would.

But then there are people like Susan Sarandon, who took her strangely beauty–her large eyes, her strong nose, her pale skin–and decided that these were the things that make her beautiful. And she is right.

At the age of thirty, I feel that the word flaw has mostly faded from my vocabulary. This is what my face looks like. This is what my body looks like. My eyes make me look exotic. My skin is healthy. My crooked teeth add character to my face and my long neck makes me feel graceful.

What if we all knew we were already beautiful?

I watched a music video this weekend. It was a new singer who has a prosthetic leg. It was one of the most brilliant displays of brave, strange beauty that I have ever seen. (The video is by a Viktoria Modesta and you should go watch it after reading this)

What was most striking to me was that instead of taking her missing leg and trying to make it look like a regular leg, like what we all expect legs to look like, she had a light up leg, a diamond encrusted leg. Because, why be afraid of the world? Why hide something that you can go ahead and feel strangely beautiful about?

Susan Sarandon took that picture up there and you know what I see as the bravest part? That girl put some damn mascara on her bottom lashes; we all know what that does.

It enlarges your eyes.

She took her strangely large eyes and made them appear larger. She enhanced them. She was not afraid.

Take your flaws, run them through the grinding mill of your own brain, not the brains of the people around you, and strange beauty will trickle out like pixie dust.

On being resolute when it comes to resolutions
December 7, 2014, 1:15 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized


Let’s talk about this year, because wow 2014 was the worst year ever.

It started on bad luck and ended on terrible luck and if the things that happened in between hadn’t also been so moderately awful, I would almost think it was a joke.

But it wasn’t a joke. Month after month, it seemed no one in my family could catch a break.

We had medical emergencies, job losses, money issues, depression that just wouldn’t quit…just all general crap. Terrible things.

And I know that normal people make New Year’s Resolutions and I have never, ever been one of those people but you know what?

I am going to kick 2015 square in the ass. 

I am going to keep my family healthy and safe.

I am going to go outside of my comfort box and make moves professionally and educationally. Even if I risk failing. 

I am going to travel, even if just on a small scale. I am going to get the heck out of here on a regular basis.

I am going to maybe go see an actual therapist and not just my psychiatrist who only gives medication but ugh I don’t know about this one because therapy is SO HARD. 

I am going to be in a major community theater production and I am going to rock at it even though I have to fake a southern accent the whole time.

I am going to take my daughter to Disney World for the first time and probably sob the first time she gasps in wonder at Cinderella’s Castle. SOB. 

I refuse to relive this year even 1% next year.

It will be a fresh year and I will not be afraid to stand up for my happiness and the happiness of the ones I love.

So, universe, either cooperate this time around or get the hell out of my way.