growinghumans


Solid life advice from Beyonce.
February 3, 2015, 12:52 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

jay-z-beyonce-blue

We all remember this adorable moment in award show history last year. Beyonce was winning awards, singing amazing songs, and getting kisses from her sweet family all on stage with no pants on. It was a good night to be Beyonce.

Do you remember what she said, when handed the microphone?

I feel so full. 

And I think every mother in the world took note of that phrase and dissected it until it lay raw and bleeding at our feet.

To be full.

To be that full in that way.

I am chasing that feeling this year and I am not ashamed of it.

As someone who has struggled with severe depression most of my life, I cannot ever recall a time when I felt full. There has always been a corner of emptiness inside of me.

Turning 30 made me examine this scary part of my mind. Why was part of me empty? Why was I wasting real estate?

I discovered something very important and terrifying–

The empty part was where my passions were supposed to live. My loves, my hobbies, my goals and dreams.

And yet, there it stood.

Uninhabited. 

The rest of my heart and mind belonged to other people; certainly my husband, my Tiny Human, my parents and sister, my friends.

I think most people inadvertently give more of themselves to others than to their own needs but it never occurred to me that I was giving myself

nothing.

I wanted to feel full and I was elated at discovering why I had never come close to that feeling.

I joined community theater.

I blog.

I submitted a short story to several publications.

I make silly Youtube videos about clothing.

To some this may seem selfish or trite or a waste of time but I don’t actually care;

because, you see, I am starting to fill up.

The key is to start slowly; don’t over stimulate yourself with too much self promotion or love or you will just vomit. Ease yourself into self love, give the people around you time to see what you are doing so they can pull you along the path you have selected. If you have had an empty space like this for as long as I have, this won’t come naturally and you will need help. Take the help but make sure it is still YOURS.

All of this is yours. This space is yours. Paint the walls whatever color you want. Fill the room; fill the void; fill your heart.

Be full. 

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