The importance of banner-men
March 3, 2015, 3:43 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Here is the thing about writing personal things about yourself publicly on the internet:

Sometimes you will push that “publish” button and feel a sense of sickness and dread.

Sometimes you will hear awkward crickets chirp as you realize people are reading it but not saying anything.

Sometimes you will feel embarrassed as you realize people are reading it and saying things but not quite the right things.

And sometimes, not often, but sometimes, you will be filled with a sense of encouragement that makes you feel like the world is covering you in a warm blanket and tucking in the edges around you.

The internet can sometimes be a blanket burrito, guys. And it was for me yesterday.

As the messages came pouring in from friends and even people I don’t talk to that often, I couldn’t help but picture myself, in the trenches; I no longer stood there alone in battle. I imagined myself at the center of an army. Of loved ones and people who knew my struggles. In the center of people who came running at my clarion call; who decided to stand with me and hold my banner.

The feeling was overwhelming.

Until I realized I could picture myself like Daenerys from Game of Thrones, and then I felt pretty badass. Daenerys

                                                                                    Dracarys, depression.

I think, when you are struggling with a disorder like I am, the trick is to not surround yourself with friends who will always want to talk to you about what is wrong and say the same things over and over again. You want to surround yourself with fighters; people who will understand what you are going through and are angry about it. People who will hold the same banner as you and charge into battle.

I can close my eyes and see who would hold my banners. I can see you all, faces hardened and ready to fight depression and anxiety and eating disorders. I am glad to have you all at my side.


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