It’s a Mess
September 10, 2015, 10:19 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Here’s the thing with depression.

To be depressed is to know that you are going to come apart. Not just once. Not just five times. Often.

You will find yourself sitting on the floor, surrounded by puzzle pieces; thousands of pieces. Maybe you can’t remember what the original picture looked like. Maybe you can’t find all of the edge pieces. Maybe it’s just too much.

Whatever the reason is, you will eventually ask someone for help. Someone will walk by and you will call out to them.

“Help?” You will ask. “I need to put myself back together and just need a little help.”

In my experience, this will go a few different ways.

Most people will sit down with you. They will find pieces that don’t match and force them together and think that they helped. You will pat them on the head, thank them for their time, and redo what they just muddled.

Some people will walk by, survey the scene and proclaim,  “That’s one big mess you’ve got there.”

Other people won’t even get close. They will take one look at the state you’re in and back away slowly.

And sometimes, very rarely, someone will come up to you, maybe long after you’ve stopped even asking for help, and sit right beside you. They will pick up piece after piece and hand it to you. “Where does this piece go? What about this one? Show me where to put this piece of you. I remember what you looked like. I remember the big picture.”

None of these people are in the wrong. None of these people are mean, judgmental, or cruel. Most people have baggage but mine is colossal and to expect anyone to deal with it is not fair. I barely deal with it.

However, it’s important to remember that there are people out there that are willing to take the time. There are people out there that will clear their schedules, open their hearts, and help you put yourself back together.


A Love Story
September 6, 2015, 2:26 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

“Mommy, you know what?”

“What’s that?”

“You love me.”

“Yes, that is very true.”

“I am the only person you love.”

“Well, no…”

Now, listen Tiny Human.

I may not be the happiest person.

I may not be the most successful or smartest.

I’m poor at doing my own makeup and I’m not very good with money, but there is something I know with great certainty.

I love very well.

My heart, my love, my emotions for people have always come very fluidly.

I was never the kind of girl who said she loved someone, didn’t mean it, and then demanded it back at the end.

If I have ever loved you, if I will ever love you, I will never ask for it back. The love will remain.

Love is like water, dear daughter. It’s like the fish and the loaves of bread at the wedding Jesus attended on the hillside. The more you need, the more there is. Don’t ever feel like it is an object; don’t ever feel like your love is singular.

Spread it across the horizon. Open your heart to as many people as you can.



they will give you love back.

And the foundation of your soul will be comprised of the love you collect throughout your life. You will become those experiences, those people, those friendships. Your solar system shall be made up of many different planets.

Things will end catastrophically. Things will end amicably. The way things end does not narrate how things went. Keep the love.

So, my Tiny Human.

I love you.

I love you the most of all the things that will ever be.

But, I love many and you will, too. I hope.

I can hope.