Changing Tactics
November 13, 2015, 10:40 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I’m detoxing from medication.

This means I will only be taking prescription sleeping pills and the occasional anxiety pill as  needed.

This may sound like an incredibly stupid idea for someone who cannot even stay stable on medication and I want to tell you why it’s not.

I have lost grip.

I have jumped from strong medication to stronger medication.

I have had horrific side effects.

I have had rapid cycling moods that I cannot control.

I have adjusted, evaluated, calculated every ounce of medication in my body. It’s been a lot. It’s been a long year.

And I got to the point last week where I could no longer pin point what my actual bipolar symptoms were and what was artificially being put there by medication.

The newest pill I was on, Geodon, was pushing on some sort of “harmful behavior”button. Heavily. I had a temporary eating disorder and was drinking too much in the evenings. That was the bottom for me. That was enough of that.

Enough, already.

So, I’m trying something new. I’m trying something hard. I’m going naked through my life for a few weeks to see what I feel.

I’m afraid; I won’t lie about that. I’m afraid of what is under the layers of medication. What has been lying dormant? What has grown while I wasn’t watching?

I was given a genetic test at the doctor. My cheeks were swabbed and I paid money to have my DNA sent to a lab to figure out what medication would work best for me; would metabolize best; would leave me with the least amount of side effects.

More of the same was too much for my little body. LIthium almost drove me off of the face of the earth. Seroquel wasn’t much better.

They all suck.

Every single one of these medications suck. I constantly feel like I’m being punished. That as long as they make me not want to kill myself I should be able to suck it up and soldier through any adverse effects.

Not wanting to kill myself is no longer good enough. I am taking a stand right here and right now. I would rather deal with my issues organically than continue to guess which medication might be just okay.

If you are going through something even remotely close to this, remember this. This is important.





Listen to it. If it is telling you to pump the brakes, pump them immediately.

And let’s see what happens.


5 Comments so far
Leave a comment

You can do this. ā¤

Comment by Jenna Hatfield

Here’s the thing, love. Bipolar is a chemical thing happening in your brain. There is no way to deal with those chemicals organically. A better diet won’t do it. Meditating won’t do it. We just don’t get to control those f****ing chemicals. I don’t know what the solution is, and believe me, I know exactly how you feel. But maybe, with your doc, a detox so you can try a new medication? No matter what you do, I’m here.

Comment by Barbara Smith

I’m definitely not giving up on medication–just trying to get a handle on things that I feel I have lost control over. Also hopeful that the genetic test will provide some better options for me. Xo

Comment by growinghumans

You know I’m here if you just want someone to talk to. I know that for me talking out loud, more so to someone over just myself, helps me more. For some reason I process better hearing the actually words.

Comment by Alysia

He! Appreciate it. This post was from last year šŸ™‚ But I know you’re always there. xo

Comment by growinghumans

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