growinghumans


Birthday Parties
November 23, 2015, 10:45 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

BIRTHDAY PARTIES

Now, I should start this by saying that my Tiny Human is incredibly fortunate to be surrounded by family members that want her to have the best party possible. I had to do an incredibly small amount of work to have this birthday party happen.

However.

I woke up yesterday morning already feeling defeated. The day that was supposed to hold a great time of horse back riding and farm outside games was cold and raining.

I had one Klonipin (autocorrect thinks this word should be Klondike so there’s that) left and made the executive decision to save it for later in the day.

This proved to be the correct notion.

My Tiny Human has been sick for a few days so the thought of her hanging around outside with animals in the damp cold was filling me with parenting doubt.

I could smell a failure. I could sense stress and tension and maybe even a break down.

I hadn’t even left my bed.

Enough. Let’s go. Let’s get out of bed and be a fucking mom about this.

I got up. Got dressed. Got my Tiny Human dressed in her cowgirl outfit. I picked up the birthday cake. I bought candles. I wrangled everyone into my SUV at the designated hour and we departed for my disaster.

We got to the party location–a relative’s house. They have horses and had offered to have a million 5 year olds ride their horses. The kindness of people is astounding.

We got to the party and I found myself standing in the middle of rooms with my hand over my mouth, helpless. This happened for about the first half an hour. People kept asking what we were doing–where were we eating? Were we opening gifts? What’s going on?

I finally found myself, alone, in the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror.

Quick, concise decisions. It was time. The rain had stopped but it was still cold outside. We would eat inside. We would set up an extra table, right there. Yes, thank you. We will eat pizza first, then ride horses, then come inside to warm up, eat cake and then open presents.

I don’t normally have my Tiny Human open gifts at her party, but we needed another warm activity.

And suddenly, the party was starting. It seemed that everyone descended at the same time and I was swept up in it. I was organizing straight lines of 5 year olds at the door to walk to the horse ring. I was monitoring who was next in turn. I was bringing everyone inside and taking coats. I was sitting everyone down and then and then and then we were singing. We were singing happy birthday to my Tiny Human and I took 8 good breaths during it and realized that this moment, this moment when all eyes were on her and her eyes were shining with candle light, was the only moment that mattered.

That I had already succeeded. I had succeeded with this party without even needing to do anything else. As long as she was happy, I was happy.

Eight breaths of that was all I needed. It affected me so greatly that I had the kids sing to her one last time after opening the gifts. There is no greater gift, no greater medication, than that of a smiling child as she is being sung Happy Birthday to.

I won today.

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