growinghumans


The Christmas Tree
November 28, 2015, 2:12 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Every year, the night of Thanksgiving, I put up my Christmas decorations. Every year for the past 5 years, I have used the same decorations–woodland, rustic, etc.

For some reason this year, about a few months ago, I decided that I wanted a change. I wanted an eclectic, colorful, and vintage look for Christmas this year.

I scoured the internet, thrift stores, Target and amassed my haul. I waited anxiously for the day to come where I could put my vision to fruition.

That day came this week.

I put my new vintage ornaments on my tree with my giant bulbed lights. I hung colorful new stockings from the mantle.

I distracted myself from my current life dilemmas for hours while decorating my house for Christmas.

When it was done, I stepped all the way back to my front door and surveyed the land. I hated it. It looked ridiculous and different and not at all like Christmas.

Even as I sit here typing this, I am looking at this stupid old-fashioned looking tree and hating it.

My husband brought up the fact that for the last few days I have hated just about everything. Things in my life are dysfunctional in a way that I cannot really control and it is absolutely breaking me. I feel weak, helpless, broken down.

This stupid ass tree probably isn’t even ugly. It’s probably great. But it’s a change; it’s different. I usually only use red and green ornaments. I have a plaid ribbon wrapping around it. I use woodland creature figurines all around to decorate.

In life, I always need a color scheme. I need to know what is acceptable and what isn’t acceptable. Within those parameters, I can control what I do. Right now, I have no color scheme. These ornaments are all different colors. There’s too many of them. It’s not organized like how I usually do it.

Everything around me is changing faster than I can adapt. I am usually a champ at handling external issues; people come to me because I am so good at it. But, this week, I am at a loss.

I suppose I’ll just give this tree some time. I’ll give myself some time. I’m sure it’s a lovely tree.

 

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