growinghumans


It Sucks.
December 12, 2015, 10:24 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

My husband works a retail job managing a store.

My husband has always worked retail so it’s a way of life that I have just become used to, I guess.

I don’t let my brain rest on the details of what that means often, because I don’t have time.

Today, as I was running errands with a best friend, she asked if he was working. “Yes,” I said. “Of course.”

She asked how often he has to work weekend. I said every weekend.

“That’s not great for you guys. That’s really hard.”

I shrugged it off that it was just how we have always done things.

But you know, the more I have thought about it this afternoon, the more I have gone into an emotional fetal position.

Because it sucks, guys.

I see my husband for 15 minutes in the morning. I am always in bed when he gets home from work. My Tiny Human is almost always asleep.

I do a lot on my own. I do most on my own. I keep up the house. I grocery shop on Sundays. I do the laundry. I buy Christmas presents. I decorate the tree. I make cookies with my daughter.

Alone.

On top of working 40 hours a week.

It’s a treat if he can do anything with us. We went grocery shopping last weekend at Walmart just so we could go early before his shift.

I look at other, normal families who go to Holiday light shows, or a Santa train on the weekends, and it hurts me. It physically hurts me.

I could take her.

But it would just be me.

My husband, because of his work schedule, will not even spend Christmas with us this year. He will drive up to Connecticut three days later. It’s made getting excited for what is usually my favorite time of year almost impossible.

I know it kills him. I know he would rather be with us. I am not faulting him. He is doing his best for his family and we love him for it.

But it’s a shit situation 90% of the time.

I know this is just idle complaining and that there are moms out there who have it worse–single moms, moms who have deployed partners, etc.

But I miss my husband. I wish we felt more like a family and not a two person mommy and daughter show with an occasional special guest: dad.

As I sit here in my dark house, waiting for my Tiny Human to get up from her nap so we can make some Christmas cookies, I find myself wondering if I have the strength to keep it all up, to keep it all together. It takes a lot–right now it’s taking an extremely strong egg nog and a Klonipin.

My husband works in retail.

And it just sucks.

That’s all.

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