growinghumans


November 1.
November 2, 2016, 1:23 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Ok, I guess I’m doing a blog a day again this November.

I half mentioned last week on Facebook and kind of let the idea sit there and then when it came to planning out the blogs like I did so meticulously last year, I lost interest.

Maybe not that I lost interest, but I lost faith in everyone else’s interest.

 

But then, of course, it is November 1st and one of my closest friends has poked me.

So ok, I guess I’m doing a blog a day again this November.

 

Let’s see.

I have been out of work since July. I have had zero –ABSOLUTELY ZERO– luck with finding any sort of sustaining freelance writing work online. I have applied to every single site I can scrounge up. I even submitted a story to Playboy.

I started feeling defeated at the beginning of October–of last month. Maybe because it was my birthday month and when I turn a year older I always like to obsess over what I’ve accomplished in a year and what I hope to do the next year.

Last year for my birthday I wanted to be a writer. I don’t even know if I am that. I still write blog entries. I write short stories. I am 14,000 words into a novel that will probably take me at least another year to complete.

The sense of defeat isn’t necessarily me doubting myself. I have heard from people –people impossibly smarter than I am–that I am a good writer. I am just so damn frustrated that not a single person is giving me a chance.

I’ve always had terrible luck; it’s almost a joke how unlucky I am. Almost. Except it’s my actual life. But I believe that everyone is given a chance at the life they always wanted for themselves. Lately, I have been thinking about that; about the life I always wanted for myself. I have been settling for most of my adult life. I have gone with the flow. I have stayed inside of my comfort zone.

When I put in my notice at my job, that was the bravest thing I have ever done. I could have easily worked at that damn job for years more. But, a writer I love and admire likes to say that you need to show up to things, even if you aren’t ready. Nothing will ever happen to you if you do not show up. I wasn’t ready, I didn’t have anything lined up, but I quit just the same.

I showed up to the universe with my arms open saying that I am ready to change. Change my profession, change the way I think about myself, change the way I interact with the world around me.

It has worked, piece by piece. Things have appeared as if from thin air that have made me change the way I feel about myself, about life, about my future. I find new things to get excited about, to write about, to think about. I have stopped doing things that make me stressed or nervous or sad.

The only part missing is writing–professionally writing.

I have come too far to give up on this now. I showed up, goddammit, and I am ready.

 

 

Advertisements

2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I usually lurk – and I can’t help you with the professional writer bit…but if it means anything…I have found your blog to be real and encouraging. That means a lot to me these days. Don’t give up on yourself.
“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over…she became a butterfly.”
It will be good to ‘see’ you this November.

Comment by Jean

Wow, I’m so impressed that you quit your job and have pursued writing professionally. The idea of that terrifies me. I wouldn’t even know where to begin.

Comment by Blaze2242




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s



%d bloggers like this: