growinghumans


Ariadne 1&2
August 15, 2017, 11:30 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

1.

I do not know how long I have been sitting here

Olive trees loom around me, providing shade for certain parts of the day

but other parts, I burn.

Strange Cypress trees rise from the ground like silent sentries.

Keeping him in

Keeping me out

I sit here.

Waves of wind rustle the leaves and carry with it a far off sound.

Inhuman sounds

Human sounds

I cannot tell anymore.

My knees are raw from sitting on them

the skin, cracked and bleeding

sand working its way under my skin every time I shift my weight.

My  hands are empty.

They once held a wooden spindle

that never seemed to run out of thread.

My hands grew tired

and my heart grew heavy

as the days went by and I remained here

in wide open spaces

sitting on my knees

and waiting for him.

I sobbed and wailed,

pressed the spindle up against my little body

felt the sharp edges of it pierce my clothing

and then my skin

and then it disappeared entirely.

My hands are empty,

the thread being pulled from me now.

My own body.

From the softness of my belly.

I am no longer an anchor.

I am tethered to him.

Like an umbilical cord.

Like a stream between two bodies of water.

He churns and I feel everything.

Every step

away from me

towards a fight that might drag me along.

At least he gets steps

At least he gets fights

I do not like these wide open spaces anymore

There is too much air. There are too many trees.

I would feel safer in the tight walls of a labyrinth.

I do not know how long I have been sitting here.

 

 

2.

 

I do not know how long I have been sitting here.

There is a sudden tug on the thread coming from my belly,

Like a marionette

I stand up

Grab the thread with both of my hands and try to wind it back into me

I have one job

My whole life I have had one job

To reel in the thread when it was time

It is time

I am thrown side to side

I am forced to dig in my heels

To keep from being dragged into the fight

He has found the monster

He is battling the monster

I have one job

To lead him back out

To me

I do not know how long I have been sitting here

The violence does not seem to last very long

Suddenly the thread is very still

The air feels very thin

Quiet

As if we are all afraid to breathe

I feel a slight tug on my thread

He has done it

He has won his battle and now may come back to me

I tug on the thread to let him know that I am still here

I do not know how long I have been sitting here

But I am still here

I feel the thread start to grow slack

It is no longer unraveling from somewhere deep inside of me

It is coming towards me

Through the mazes upon mazes

Through the great labyrinth

I wait for hours, centuries

I lost track of time a long time ago

I see him, then

I see him emerge with the sand swirling around him and block caked on his knuckles

His face

He does not see me

I wave a hand

I run towards him

He walks right by me

Pushes me down back into the sand

“What is wrong, Theseus?” I wail at him

He turns his head, my thread still in his hand

And suddenly I know the answer to my own question

Theseus is dead

This is the monster

And he is dragging me around by the thread



L.L Bean Fall/Winter line 2017 (that probably no one cares about except me)
August 14, 2017, 5:08 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I don’t know guys. I just spend like $25 at a thrift store buying my fall clothes, but let’s be honest…some of this stuff is going to end up being a “treat yo self” moment as my birthday grows near.

LET’S LOOK AT THE NEW L.L BEAN WOMEN’S LINE FOR FALL/WINTER 2017

 

ll bean 1

Signature Cotton Fisherman Tunic Sweater, Colorblock

$100 and freaking $9

But I don’t know guys. I love America, but I think I might love this sweater more.

 

l-l-bean-signature-cotton-fisherman-sweater-colorblock

Signature Cotton Fisherman Sweater, Colorblock

A mere $99 for this one which is a much better investment than this one because while most people will look at this and think fall sports like rugby and football, I’ll be wearing it by the fire supporting Quidditch. Ravenclaw? Maybe? Yes. I would.

 

 

 

 

l-l-bean-lightweight-wool-blend-scarf-plaid

Lightweight Wool-Blend Scarf, Plaid

$49.95

I have about 38 plaid scarves and blanket scarves. But I do not have an OLIVE GREEN ONE. I bet you don’t either. Why don’t we go halfies on this one and share it? Great.

 

 

 

llbean hat

Women’s Ultrawarm Bomber Hat

$44.95

I’ll be honest. I want this hat so I can wear it and pretend to be Ygritte from Game of Thrones. Can’t unsee it now, can you?

 

 

 

hoodie

Road Trip Graphic Hoodie Pullover

$54.95

If you know enough to see that this is a wicked good hoodie then you probably need this hoodie, bub.

 

 

 

bean jacket

Traverse Water-Resistant Hooded Shirt Jacket Misses Regular

ON SALE FOR $84.99

This is absolutely the cutest utility and rain proof jacket I have ever seen, not even just on L.L Bean. This is an amazing deal on a jacket that is usually closer to $100. Put down the one from H&M and invest in your clothing.

 

 

 

blue coat

Ultrawarm Coat, Long

$269

This isn’t a new item on their list for this season but I have to share it because I have been lusting after this coat for years. YEARS. It also comes in, like, normal colors like black and white but OH MAN I WANT IT IN BLUE SO BAD. I can’t justify almost $300 for a coat like this while living in the south, BUT IF YOU CAN please go buy it in homage to my current humidity situation.

 

 

 

boots

Women’s Bar Harbor Boots, Tall

$199.00

These are usually sold out in, like, 80% of the sizes but one day they will be mine. THEY WILL BE MINE. I love how utilitarian they look compared to the standard Bean Boot but still absolutely adorable. Good for just a slushy, snowy, gross day. Or, I mean, a Wednesday.

 

 

Ok, 3 people who read this all the way through: That’s my yearly round up of the L.L Bean fall/winter line for this year. Yes, I know these things seemed over priced, but let me tell you–I wore a Bean rain jacket all over the UK this spring and it did not fail me once. It even kept my bum dry. So. There’s that.

What I’m saying is that sometimes you can buy your clothes from a thrift store, but somethings are worth the investment.

Treat yo self.

 

 

 

 



Take Your Stand
August 11, 2017, 1:53 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

In life, people are going to tell you what to do, how to dress, when to speak. They will passively push their way into your willpower until you suddenly find yourself without an opinion of your own.

You can fight that. You can say ‘no’.

 

But what I am here to tell you this evening, dear readers

What is most important to say ‘no’ to

Is when people try and tell you what in your was real and whether your feelings were actual.

No one in your life can take away what life has and will always mean to you. They can not take away your memories, the beating of your heart, your struggles, your moments of pure joy.

Perhaps they are no longer true for some people. Perhaps they have chosen to turn a blind eye to all of those things.

But no on can make you do it.

Protect your heart, your memories, your love.

There will be times where you will want to forget it all. There will be times where you will want to wail at the moon and make all of the memories go away.

But that would be like cutting off an arm, losing an eye. I have seen things, felt things, tasted things on my lips.

In life, there are always going to be reasons to forget things ever happened, but I stand here in revolt saying that I refuse to go down with that ship. I will not wave a white flag of submission. I am making my stand here with my memories and I will place my hand on my heart and I will remind myself every damn day if I have to that everything that has ever happened to me happened and that all of it was so real that at times I didn’t have words or breath to take it all in.

 

 

Protect your heart. You are a real person full of real things.